This week has been.... well, trying at best.
As a teenager in Young Women's my favorite value was always Integrity. I love people that have integrity. I am not perfect, nor do I profess to be, but I always try to live my life with integrity.
Don't you hate it when you find out people are not who they say they are? I have been treated pretty poorly this week by two individuals from my old neighborhood. The crazy thing is that BOTH of these 'friends' have treated me poorly in the past, really poorly. But I tried to do the right thing and forgave them, only to have them do it again.
The saying really is true "A leopard doesn't change his spots".
Both of these individuals have been publicly attacking my character and integrity, two things that I hold very dear. They are on a witch hunt and for whatever reason have chosen me to be the one that they are attacking. I've done absolutely NOTHING wrong to these women or anyone for that matter. But here I sit, a victim of online bullying... It's crazy to me to think that I am treated worse by ADULT women then I ever was as a teen-ager.
They have never spoken to me about the allegation that they accuse me of, they appointed themselves as the judge and jury over the situation and then took drastic measures to make sure that they cut and hurt me as deeply as they could. Again I ask, What have I done to deserve this treatment? Nothing.
Today at church I got the spiritual upliftment that my soul so badly needed. I was reminded that there is someone who knows exactly how I am feeling.... my Savior Jesus Christ. He has known the pain and betrayal that I am feeling and yet somehow was able to forgive his accusers.
Will I ever be able to do this? Right now the answer is ABSOLUTELY NOT!
The anger I have inside me is boiling over. I want to scream at them and publicly accuse them of things they are not guilty of. I want to call them cowardly and tell them that they are of low character-just like they did to me. But then I stoop to their level, so instead of writing them an anger filled email/phone call/text, I take the high road. Again. (sometimes I HATE the high road)
But instead I blog. I blog about my feelings because for some reason it is very therapeutic. I have once again deleted my Face Book account due to all of this and instead will turn to my blog to voice my feelings.
My dad gave me some good advice the other day when I called him to vent my frustrations, he told me a quote that I just loved. "People with integrity expect to be believed....but when they're not, let time prove them right"
*I am grateful for family that is there for you, no matter what!
*I am grateful for a dear husband that helps me feel loved and supported.
*I am grateful for friends, real friends that love you and your imperfections through thick and thin. Friends that know what is in my heart and that my intentions are pure.
*I am grateful for a ward family that today gave me just what I needed, love, lot's and lot's of love.
*I am grateful for courage, courage to have integrity.
*I am grateful to not live in that neighborhood anymore.
*I am grateful for the power of forgiveness and I pray that with time I will be able to forgive those that have hurt me, for I know that I would want the same from those that I have hurt.
*I am grateful for my Savior and his example.
*I am grateful for the atonement.
So I have two choices. One, to wallow in self pity and think "why are they being so mean to me?" (said in that whiney little kid voice)
or two, I can pick myself up, brush myself off and be happy that these two are no longer in my life.
I pick option 2.
My life is full of good, wonderful family and friends who know that I am a good person. A person with integrity AND courage.